Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Breaking Dawn Trailer: The Recap

Well you guys, it's summer and there are NO Vampire Diaries in sight! And I miss my vampires. And my recaps. And...diaries...

So I figured with the release of the official Breaking Dawn trailer, I could do a recap.

YAY!

Here we go...

BREAKING DAWN: THE TRAILER RECAP


Hollywood Movie Studios: Trailer Production Room (or what I like to imagine as Cameron Diaz's house in The Holiday!)


Trailer Producer 1: What kind of music should we use for the Breaking Dawn trailer.

Trailer Producer 2: Dramatic Wailing Woman?

TP 1: Nah, we used her for Twilight. She kind of creeps me out.

TP2: What about NO music? It'll be really dramatic. And focus on the characters' inner turmoil.

TP1: Too close to what we did for New Moon.

TP2: I know! Slow dramatic music that represents choices.

TP 1: Naaaah. Oh! I have it!

TP 2: What?

TP 1: The Most. Dramatic. Music. Ever.

TP 2: It says here the trailer is about a wedding.

TP 1: YES!

TP 2: I do not think this music means what you think it means....

TP 1: ....

TP 2: ....

TP 1: Roll tape!



Volterra, Italy: Volturi Headquarters


Girl: I am SO glad I caught that designer shoe sale so I could wear new heels while I deliver the mail to "Resident" on a silver platter.

Arro: Resident? They addressed this to resident!?!? See if I buy from their registry now!


Forks, Washington: Charlie's Place


Charlie: No open bar at the reception... Can I hide beer in my suit jacket? What about a fish?


Jacksonville, Florida: Casa De Renee and that other guy


Renee: It's the wedding invitation! YAY!

Wedding Invitation: Psst. Shake me like a polaroid picture.

Renee: Huh?

Wedding Invitation: I double as a fan!

Renee: Neat!


Black Screen: The Trailer


November 18th: Write me in your calendars, EVERYONE. Now!

Dramatic Music: Is intensifying



Forks, Washington: House of Black


Rain: Is raining

Jacob: I hate this shirt! *rips it off*

Every girl ever: Dayum!!!

Jacob: And I hate these cargo shorts! *WOLFS*

Cargo shorts: *explode*

Jorts: *feel left out*

Billy: WTF?

Wedding Invitation: Look at me! I'm water repellent!


Forks, Washington: The Wedding

Bella: I better not trip down the aisle.

Charlie: I won't let you trip in your own wedding trailer.

Bella: Thanks, Dad!

Charlie: But I make no promises for the extended DVD.

Edward: Wheee! It's my big fat 1800s wedding!

Bella: Crap. I should have brushed my hair.

Edward: You never brush your hair.

Bella: Good point.


The Honeymoon: Brazil? Isle Esme?

Edward: Let's dance!

Bella: You know I can't dance.

Edward: Ok, let's kiss!

Bella: Done

Giant Jesus Statue: Do not be alarmed, trailer viewers. The following scenes take place between two people who are MARRIED.

Bella: Let's lose our virginity on the count of three.

Edward: 1...

Bella: 2...

Edward: 3!

Honeymoon Bed: OW! WTF! I needed that! *crumbles*

Bella: Do it in the water!

Edward: K!

Honeymoon Bed: *grumble grumble* Sure now that you broke me! Don't break the river! *glares*



Volterra Italy, Volturi Headquarters:

Arro: Resident? RESIDENT! Don't these vampires know wedding etiquette!?!?! *vampire toss*

Girl: Stop! My shoes!


Isle Esme:

Edward: Just kissing my sleeping bride. In our honeymoon bed. Wearing a wife beater.

Honeymoon Bed: Wife beater? More like BED beater! I hate you!


Forks, Washington:

Jacob: Here's another close up of my face. Lest you forget I'm in anguish.

Edward: Obligatory Vampire Toss! RAWR!


Isle Esme:

Bella: *examines stomach in the mirror* This is impossible. I brushed my hair!

Edward: I have no reaction in this shot.

Renesmee Embryo: Oh HAI Mom and Dad!

Edward: *eyes widen*

FIN!







PS from Donna -- As with all of our awesomely hilarious recaps, this one is by Frankie, though Blogger somehow attributed it to me! Yayyyy Frankie!

15 comments:

  1. Why can't you guys write the Breaking Dawn screenplay?!?! I'd watch the hell out of that movie.

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  2. I have to admit, even amidst the sniggering of watching the trailer, I did have a slight DAYUM moment when Jakey took off his shirt. And then I felt slightly dirty. And watched it again.

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  3. @Annie, Haha! I'd write the hell out of that screenplay! If only they'd call me!

    @Summer Frey, You are NOT alone! I did the same!

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  4. LOLOLOLS! Loved this. And we definitely heard the "DAYUM" reactions when we were watching the trailer debut at the MTV Movie Awards. Screaming teenage girls = hilarious. (As long as we're not actually in the same room with them.)

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  5. OMG soooo funny! I hope you guys do this for all the trailers. Cause, ya know, they will have at least 10! :)

    Say it with me...Jacob shirtless=...DAYUM!!!

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  6. I'm cracking up.
    I thought the same thing about the invitation in the rain. Seriously!
    And the shoe sale so true.
    You need to over dub this onto the trailer. Vlog it lady.
    Hilarious.

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  7. My favorite, by FAR:

    Giant Jesus Statue: Do not be alarmed, trailer viewers. The following scenes take place between two people who are MARRIED.

    When I first watched the trailer, I was totally like, WTF giant Jesus?

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  8. @We Heart Ya, Haha! If you see the movie in theaters, prepare yourself!

    @Jessica, Thanks! So glad you enjoyed! And sure, I will totally recap the second trailer!
    Ready? 1,2,3....DAYUM!

    @Christine, LOL yay! A dubbed vlog would be hilarious, but Im so not high tech enough. But if someone else wants to do that, Id love to see!

    @Donna, Giant Jesus Statue is here to regulate! Without his stone presence, this trailer would have been INSANE!

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  9. The "giant Jesus" is for you to know where are they: Rio de Janeiro... It's called "Cristo redentor"

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  10. Ah, thanks, Fran. I just changed that in the recap. You're right. Though I'm sure they still had fun playing with the image for other reasons:)

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  11. haha of course, Frankie, I think that was to assume to hehe btw, love your recaps ;)

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  12. Thank you so much for this! I'm so relieved to know I'm not the only one who couldn't help but snigger at that trailer ;)

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  13. Maegan, you are so refined. I guffawed.
    Then I guffawed again over the recap.

    So great. One of those things you read, laugh hysterically over, then say "Wish I'd written that."

    Awesome. :)

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  14. Resident...really? totally agree with what's up with that!?!...I thought the cullens where rich..a laminated card as an invitation..no frilly lacey designs? I'd expect more

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