Well you guys, it's summer and there are NO Vampire Diaries in sight! And I miss my vampires. And my recaps. And...diaries...
So I figured with the release of the official Breaking Dawn trailer, I could do a recap.
Here we go...
BREAKING DAWN: THE TRAILER RECAP
Hollywood Movie Studios: Trailer Production Room (or what I like to imagine as Cameron Diaz's house in The Holiday!)
Trailer Producer 1: What kind of music should we use for the Breaking Dawn trailer.
Trailer Producer 2: Dramatic Wailing Woman?
TP 1: Nah, we used her for Twilight. She kind of creeps me out.
TP2: What about NO music? It'll be really dramatic. And focus on the characters' inner turmoil.
TP1: Too close to what we did for New Moon.
TP2: I know! Slow dramatic music that represents choices.
TP 1: Naaaah. Oh! I have it!
TP 2: What?
TP 1: The Most. Dramatic. Music. Ever.
TP 2: It says here the trailer is about a wedding.
TP 1: YES!
TP 2: I do not think this music means what you think it means....
TP 1: ....
TP 2: ....
TP 1: Roll tape!
Volterra, Italy: Volturi Headquarters
Girl: I am SO glad I caught that designer shoe sale so I could wear new heels while I deliver the mail to "Resident" on a silver platter.
Arro: Resident? They addressed this to resident!?!? See if I buy from their registry now!
Forks, Washington: Charlie's Place
Charlie: No open bar at the reception... Can I hide beer in my suit jacket? What about a fish?
Jacksonville, Florida: Casa De Renee and that other guy
Renee: It's the wedding invitation! YAY!
Wedding Invitation: Psst. Shake me like a polaroid picture.
Wedding Invitation: I double as a fan!
Black Screen: The Trailer
November 18th: Write me in your calendars, EVERYONE. Now!
Dramatic Music: Is intensifying
Forks, Washington: House of Black
Rain: Is raining
Jacob: I hate this shirt! *rips it off*
Every girl ever: Dayum!!!
Jacob: And I hate these cargo shorts! *WOLFS*
Cargo shorts: *explode*
Jorts: *feel left out*
Wedding Invitation: Look at me! I'm water repellent!
Forks, Washington: The Wedding
Bella: I better not trip down the aisle.
Charlie: I won't let you trip in your own wedding trailer.
Bella: Thanks, Dad!
Charlie: But I make no promises for the extended DVD.
Edward: Wheee! It's my big fat 1800s wedding!
Bella: Crap. I should have brushed my hair.
Edward: You never brush your hair.
Bella: Good point.
The Honeymoon: Brazil? Isle Esme?
Edward: Let's dance!
Bella: You know I can't dance.
Edward: Ok, let's kiss!
Giant Jesus Statue: Do not be alarmed, trailer viewers. The following scenes take place between two people who are MARRIED.
Bella: Let's lose our virginity on the count of three.
Honeymoon Bed: OW! WTF! I needed that! *crumbles*
Bella: Do it in the water!
Honeymoon Bed: *grumble grumble* Sure now that you broke me! Don't break the river! *glares*
Volterra Italy, Volturi Headquarters:
Arro: Resident? RESIDENT! Don't these vampires know wedding etiquette!?!?! *vampire toss*
Girl: Stop! My shoes!
Edward: Just kissing my sleeping bride. In our honeymoon bed. Wearing a wife beater.
Honeymoon Bed: Wife beater? More like BED beater! I hate you!
Jacob: Here's another close up of my face. Lest you forget I'm in anguish.
Edward: Obligatory Vampire Toss! RAWR!
Bella: *examines stomach in the mirror* This is impossible. I brushed my hair!
Edward: I have no reaction in this shot.
Renesmee Embryo: Oh HAI Mom and Dad!
Edward: *eyes widen*
PS from Donna -- As with all of our awesomely hilarious recaps, this one is by Frankie, though Blogger somehow attributed it to me! Yayyyy Frankie!