Wednesday, August 1, 2012

10 ways YA novels leave you totally unprepared to be an actual adult.

As someone in my mid-20s, I still fancy myself a "young" adult — but reading YA novels hasn't exactly prepared me for the more adult side of life.

Slowly but surely, I'm learning the correct solutions to the everyday problems my friends and I face, but I much prefer the YA answers. Here's why:

Problem 1: 
The creepy guy at work watches your every move.

Actual Answer: Restraining order.
YA Answer: He's a sexy paranormal being who wants to love you forever. Kiss him!

Problem 2: 
You have too many bills and not enough money.

Actual Answer: Sell everything you own on Craigslist. Beware of serial killers.
YA Answer: Ask mom and dad for an advance on your allowance.

Problem 3:  
There's a really difficult test coming up for your master's class.

Actual Answer: Spend two weeks with your head buried in your textbook. (Despite this, you may still fail.)
YA Answer: Study for five minutes — or better yet, not at all! No worries, you'll pass!

Problem 4: 
Mythical creatures approach you, begging you to help them.

Actual Answer: You may require medication.
YA Answer: You're the one person in all the world who can save their magical realm.

Problem 5: 
That guy you're dating is a real jerk.

Actual Answer: Break up with him. Stat.
YA Answer: Despite his troubled past, he'll soon reveal that he's a romantic, considerate guy who's perfect for you.

Problem 6: 
Even though you moved out three years ago, your parents won't stop telling you what you're doing wrong in life. (AKA everything.)

Actual Answer: Move far away, and/or change your cell phone number and email address.
YA Answer: Aren't parents those people who live in your house and never interfere as you gallivant off into life-threatening situations?

Problem 7:  
Your college loans are killing you ... and you can't get a job related to your major.

Actual Answer: Do you want fries with that?
YA Answer: But doesn't everyone get a full scholarship to a super selective, likely-Ivy-League school, followed by a dream career?

Problem 8: 
You know that guy you just met and exchanged five words with? You're in love! Can it be true?

Actual Answer: It's not love; it's beer goggles. Drink some water, sleep it off, and in the morning, realize your perfect 10 is a perfect 2.
YA Answer: You're meant to be!

Problem 9: 
You've already spent thousands of dollars being a bridesmaid for numerous weddings ... and half your friends are still single.

Actual Answer: Time to make some enemies. And eat ramen like you're still in college.
YA Answer: Awesome! It's like senior prom ALL OVER AGAIN.

Problem 10: 
Two great guys like you, but you have to choose between them.

Actual Answer: Pssst — one is married, and the other one is forty and still lives in his parents' basement.
YA Answer: After months of debating and stringing them both along, you'll pick the one who's OBVIOUSLY meant for you, but the other guy will totally be cool with being your BFF. Awesome!


*** Updated: I just discovered the perfect blog for any 20-somethings who read this post and found it a little too true — F*ck! I'm in my twenties.


  1. Oh my God, this was so frickin' funny. And very true. A good way to start my day with giggles. Thanks!

  2. I'm in my mid-30's and I still want to live in a YA novel. My teenage/young adult years were hardly memorable — but I was never the center of a love triangle, earned Ivy League scholarship, or saved magical realms. But I did eat plenty of ramen noodles. Ah, a girl can dream. Thanks for a laugh.

  3. Bahahaha, so true. Thankfully, there are a few YA novels not perpetuating these myths, but they're definitely fewer on the ground. The dating ones worry me most. The bills stuff you'll just have to figure out, but the romance stuff (aka thinking a stalker is romantic) could really mess someone up.

  4. !!!This had me laughing so hard, because it's all so true. Love it!

  5. This had my cracking up! Soooo funny and sooo true!

  6. Oh, if only we could live in a YA novel forever.

  7. So glad you guys are enjoying! One day, a lot of boring, crappy, frustrating adult stuff was going on, and I became totally envious of the YA characters I was reading about... and this post was born.

  8. Love this!!!! :) You made my day :)

  9. I loved this post. :) That slap of true life is honestly a bit refreshing. And as for that wedding one - oh my goodness yes! I just got out of my fourth wedding this summer. I'm ready to lose a couple of friends. :D

    1. All of my slightly older, married friends are pregnant/having babies simultaneously, and I'm just watching my friends who are my age lining up to get engaged. Baby and bridal showers and weddings and christenings.... here I come!

  10. Bahaha! As a fellow someone in her mid-20s, I find these hilarious! Good job. :) I think my favorite might be the stalker one. Although it's kind of amazing how many times I've been told I was crazy for telling people that stalking is not sexy, even when done by a paranormal being.

  11. Haha this is epic, I love it. Although I sadly find myself relating to a few of these problems... (not #4, thankfully, or that would be a definite problem)

  12. Brilliant. I'm writing a YA at the moment and now I don't know whether to input some realism or just enjoy the escapism a bit more!

  13. Your opposing adult vs. young adult answers are not only hilariously apt, they really, really ring true. I'm coming to your site from Anna Cardi's site, and while it's not my ambition to write young adult novels, I started reading her site because it advocated some novels for young adults which really are maturing guides, while also being adult and entertaining to older people. So, I surfed on over to see what you had to say, and I have to tell you from the bottom of my post-40's feminist heart that I wish I'd read your 10 answers in MY teens or early twenties. As it was, I was the victim of too many badly written romance and Gothic novels, and have only learned my lesson(s) late in life. But it's amazing how much a little humor and lightness can do to get one to take oneself less seriously! Good for you ladies!

  14. Problem: Woman is caught in a love triangle with two men.

    YA Novel's Answer: There can be only one. Fix the loser up with someone else... like your conveniently unattached sister/best-friend. Then you all can double date and be happy forever!

    My Novel's Answer: The phrase "menage a trois" exists for a reason.

    And YA novels have no cursing in them. Hell, I learned everything I know about cursing in the hallway outside my locker in 8th grade.

  15. I wish some of these YA books had been around when I was younger. I had the quintessential "great guy friend" that I never realized how great he was. And much much drama ensued in college over the girl he dated and my friendship with him. All those love triangle stories would have served me well!

    If a guy with some paranormal ability wanted to take me to a different realm forever, I don't think I'd be enchanted by that.

  16. Very cute! The bridesmaids dress was my favorite. Weddings are expensive, even if you're not the star of the show!


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