Slowly but surely, I'm learning the correct solutions to the everyday problems my friends and I face, but I much prefer the YA answers. Here's why:
The creepy guy at work watches your every move.
Actual Answer: Restraining order.
YA Answer: He's a sexy paranormal being who wants to love you forever. Kiss him!
You have too many bills and not enough money.
Actual Answer: Sell everything you own on Craigslist. Beware of serial killers.
YA Answer: Ask mom and dad for an advance on your allowance.
There's a really difficult test coming up for your master's class.
Actual Answer: Spend two weeks with your head buried in your textbook. (Despite this, you may still fail.)
YA Answer: Study for five minutes — or better yet, not at all! No worries, you'll pass!
Mythical creatures approach you, begging you to help them.
Actual Answer: You may require medication.
YA Answer: You're the one person in all the world who can save their magical realm.
That guy you're dating is a real jerk.
Actual Answer: Break up with him. Stat.
YA Answer: Despite his troubled past, he'll soon reveal that he's a romantic, considerate guy who's perfect for you.
Even though you moved out three years ago, your parents won't stop telling you what you're doing wrong in life. (AKA everything.)
Actual Answer: Move far away, and/or change your cell phone number and email address.
YA Answer: Aren't parents those people who live in your house and never interfere as you gallivant off into life-threatening situations?
Your college loans are killing you ... and you can't get a job related to your major.
Actual Answer: Do you want fries with that?
YA Answer: But doesn't everyone get a full scholarship to a super selective, likely-Ivy-League school, followed by a dream career?
You know that guy you just met and exchanged five words with? You're in love! Can it be true?
Actual Answer: It's not love; it's beer goggles. Drink some water, sleep it off, and in the morning, realize your perfect 10 is a perfect 2.
YA Answer: You're meant to be!
You've already spent thousands of dollars being a bridesmaid for numerous weddings ... and half your friends are still single.
Actual Answer: Time to make some enemies. And eat ramen like you're still in college.
YA Answer: Awesome! It's like senior prom ALL OVER AGAIN.
Two great guys like you, but you have to choose between them.
Actual Answer: Pssst — one is married, and the other one is forty and still lives in his parents' basement.
YA Answer: After months of debating and stringing them both along, you'll pick the one who's OBVIOUSLY meant for you, but the other guy will totally be cool with being your BFF. Awesome!
*** Updated: I just discovered the perfect blog for any 20-somethings who read this post and found it a little too true — F*ck! I'm in my twenties.