Friday, November 6, 2009

Vampire Diaries: Episode 8

Salvatore Mansion

Stefan drops a book he is reading, he's sleepy, too bad he's not a Cullen, they NEVER sleep. Dude if your bored you could go watch Elena sleep. Ok he's going to look at the Salvatore family crest on the wall. Do all vampire families have them?

 We got some super spooky music and wind happening here. Dark shadows...classic horror movie angles... Kevin Williamson is doing his thang. Must open every episode like a scene from Scream or I Know What You Did Last Summer. So we know something spooky is afoot in the Salvatore House. I would be scared, but Stefan's a vampire and from the previews, we all know there's a certain blond femme fatale coming to visit.

And it's Lexi! Stefan's 350 yr old BFF here to celebrate his 150th birthday! Do you think they use blood favored icing on the cake? Just saying...

Later on, Stefan and Lexi are hanging on the bed (platonically) and DUDE! Stefan knows Bon Jovi? OMG!

Wow they had a wild weekend with the New Jersey guys. Who knew? I've never seen Stefan act all flirty and easy going and happy. Wierd.

In Kyle XY's Caroline's Mom's Police Officer Office:

Jeremy, Stefan, Elena and Matt are all taking turns in the hot seat answering questions about Vickie. Jeremy answers like a zombie because of Damon's super compulsion powers.

Stefan says again: I tried to help her.


Matt walks by Stefan and won't talk to him. Man I miss their bromance. Why hasn't Stefan been to football practice since episode 3? Is he still on the team? Did he quit? Am I missing something here? I'm starting to feel concerned about continuity issues people!

Stefan goes over to Elena: Are you ok?

Elena: No! You're a vampire and your dead and Vickie is dead and other people are dead and no! Death isn't a good thing.

Stefan: (sighs) Why can't you be more like Bella?
Back at the Salvatore Mansion:
Lexi wakes up to find Damon laying next to her.

Damon: Boo!

Lexi: Ewww, wrong brother. Get out of my bed.

Damon: Oh come on, I'm the fun one. Have you seen me dance?

Lexi: Yeah and your hips could use some work. Anyway I don't like you. Why are you so mean?

Damon: Because I'm a vampire...duh!

At Bonnie's Witch Grandma's House:

Grandmom: You better go. I filled your head with enough of the witchy juju for one day.

Bonnie: Yeah I have to give Caroline her necklace back.

Grandmom: Oh no you don't! That necklace found you. It was meant to come to you.

Bonnie: Is this like the ring in Lord of the Rings, because Mt Doom would so wreak havoc on my hair.

Grandmom: Just wear the necklace you witch!

Bonnie: Fine, but it's so last season!

At Elena's:

OMG Aunt whatsyourname....Aunt Jenna!!! You've finally graced us with your presence again and have reinstated your role as the guardian and parental figure on this show.

Aunt Jenna: Boo, I got dumped by my ex-newscaster boyfriend, again.

Hmmmmm maybe not.

Elena and Aunt Jenna turn around to see Jeremy...doing homework? And studying? And caring? The world must be flat!

Elena: Damn, what did Damon do to you?

Back at the Police Station:

Damon shows up to offer Kyle XY Caroline's mom some anti-Damon. Interesting game he's playing...

Back At Elena's:

It's time for our weekly scene of Elena waking up in her bed with the sun streaming in...wait wasn't she already up? Did she crawl back in? And WHERE is her diary?  Come on Elena, this the Vampire DIARIES, how many times do I have to tell you?

Bonnie comes in and crawls into bed with Elena to cheer her up.

Apparently this means destroying her lovely feather pillows. Please excuse me while I have a Breaking Dawn flashback...Ok, I'm better now.
Bonnie then shows Elena she is a witch with the magic power of floating feathers around!

Ok, actually this scene is AWESOME. Elena has white feather swirling around her while pretty orchestra music plays in the background.

Somewhere in the back of her mind though I bet she's wondering why everyone and their mother is supernatural except her...

At Mystic Falls High School:
Oh Hai Caroline! Glad to see you and so is Damon!

Caroline: Look dungeon boy, Im done being your slave girl

Damon's eyebrows wiggle.

Caroline: Oh hi handsome, how are you? I missed you? Foot rub?

Damon: Much better! Now have a party tonight and invite Stefan and Lexi and Bonnie. I need my necklace back!

At Salvatore Mansion:

OMG Lexi just asked Stefan about Vampire Sex! Haha. Stefan is blushing.

Stefan: She has to want to be with me, like on her own.

Lexi shakes her head and pops a straw through a blood bag. Nice, this is one step up from a sippy cup.

Lexi: Here, Stefan. Want a sip?

Stefan declines while Damon walks by muttering about how he prefers his blood to be 98.6 degrees.

Later on...
Lexi and Stefan are spending the whole day together! I wonder if he skipped school. Is it even a school day? I'm so confused.

OMG did she just say he once jumped naked into a vat of fudge or am I mistaken? This Bon Jovi loving Stefan sounds way more fun than the one we got landed with, can we have him? Though then again this is making me question the writers ability to flesh out a character. Why did he go so sullen recently? What happened in the last decade to change him? Seems like the only significant event is Katherine and that should mean he is always depressed -like always depressed and brooding! I don't know this Stefan who is living on a prayer and skinny dipping in chocolate.

So....Elena comes to the door and Lexi answers in her towel!

Lexi: Hi, what, oh how...OMG, you're wait...WHAT! I mean...who are you?

Elena: Elena...the main character of this show.

Lexi: YOU'RE Elena?

Elena: Whatever towel girl, I got to go.

Lexi stomps upstairs where we just missed seeing Stefan without his shirt on (boo) and grabs Katherine's picture: I just met Elena and DUDE! YOU. HAVE. ISSUES.

Lexi...truer words were never spoken.

Stefan defends himself: Look, the resemblance drew me in, but on the inside they are completely different

Lexi: Oh so Elena's not a raging bitch?

Stefan starts swooning: She's kind and caring and selfless and when I'm around her I forget that I'm dead.

Lexi: OMG you're in love with her! (Does this mean a cat fight?)

Stefan keeps smiling like a fool. So cute.

At Elena's:

Knock, knock! Stefan's at the door!

Elena: What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be out with towel girl?

Stefan: Towel girl? Oh! Lexi. No no no no no no! She's 350 years old, way too old for me. I like my girls at least a century younger.

Elena: Oh that's a relief.

Stefan: So what's wrong? Talk to me. You know you can. I'm here for you. Always.

Elena: No!

Stefan: Ok, I have to go. It's my birthday.

Elena lights up: Oh really! Happy Birthday!

Stefan: Thanks, you coming to my birthday party? We have party hats.

Elena: Oh no, sorry, part of not being with you means being a punk and skipping your party.
(OMG ELENA, give the boy a break, it's his BIRTHDAY!)
Stefan (sad face): Oh ok that's fine it's cool, it's no biggie, or anything, just my birthday whatever, I've had like...150 of them....

At the only restaurant in Mystic Falls/Caroline's Damon's Party

Caroline: Oh HAI Bonnie. I need my crystal back.

Bonnie: But you said you hated it.

Caroline: Hated it? Oh no that was last week. Keep up with the times girlfriend. It like totally goes with three of my outfits.

Bonnie: No. You gave it to me, it's mine now.

Caroline: Ok I didn't want to have to do this but I'm your friend so I'll tell you- when you wear makes you look fat.

Bonnie: Damon is making you do this!
Caroline: Not uh.

But then Caroline goes to grab the necklace and it burns her!

Matt ignores Stefan at the party.

Stefan: I was trying to help her

Is it just me, or has he said this line like 50 times already? Did someone open the script file and copy and paste a bunch of times or what?

Damon: Caroline! WHERE Is MAH Necklace!

Caroline: It burns me, it burns us precious.

Damon: OMG why are you so shallow and stupid and vapid and mindless and useless and..

Caroline: OK! I get it!

Meanwhile on the dance floor Lexi is trying to grind up against Stefan and this is totally not convincing me that he once partied with Bon Jovi.

Damon goes outside to stalk a couple making out.

Girl: Should we be doing this out here? Did you hear that?

Boy: No! I mean, there were all these attacks and people keep showing up dead or dissapearing, but making out late at night in a dark abandoned alley is totally safe.

Girl: Oh ok!

And then...Damon vampirizes the guy in a hardcore feral dog sort of way and grabs the girl! Suckers!

Meanwhile...Stefan and Lexi are having the BEST time ever playing pool and though Elena swore she'd stay home she has somehow magically appeared at the party.

Hmmm, you know who isn't getting a lot of facetime in this episode? Elena. Maybe she isn't the main character anymore...

Damon stalks over to Elena: Oh look Stefan is happy. Who knew?

Elena: I don't care, we broke up. And by the way what did you do to my brother?

Damon: You're going to have to ask me a more specific question than that...

Elena: He's doing his homework now. And studying. What did you do?

Damon: I took away his suffering!


Anyway the party goes on and Caroline and Bonnie fight over the way Damon treats her and the police have discovered the vampireized boy outside and the traumatized girl left over...on be a witness!

Lexi gets drinks at the bar. Is she supposed to be 17 too? Why is this place able to serve alcohol like that with so many teenagers around and how can Lexi get drinks?  Does she even have ID? Oooooh she compels...

Lexi goes to see Elena and offers her a drink. And instead of a catfight, she encourages Elena to be with Stefan and is all love conquers all and stuff. Awww, Lexi's alright!

Stefan thanks Lexi for helping out with the Elena situation.

Lexi: No problem buddy. I was feeling....EPIC.

Outside with the police-

Kyle XY Caroline's Police Mom: Ok, you saw what happened? You saw who did this? We're taking you inside and you will point out the vampire bad guy!

Ok, now we all know Damon compelled who is he going to put the blame on? Stefan? Bonnie? Or Lexi? I vote Lexi.
Stefan and Elena play pool. Perhaps they will get back together? Soon? Come on, CW! Enough. Stefan and Elena never broke up in the book! Do not make we quote canon to you!

Caroline drunkily comes to Matt. You know he is awfully well adjusted for someone who's sister just died dissapeared.

Hmmmm I wonder if he will sense something in Caroline that he saw in Vickie...signs of Damon's compulsion...

Caroline: Am I shallow?

Matt: Oh um well...deep's not your scene

Caroline: I am shallow! Aren't I. I'm so shallow! Im a kiddie pool!

Matt:'re not a kiddie pool...well maybe one of those really big blow up ones, but definitely not the small plastic ones...nobody's that shallow.

Caroline: I'm DRUNK! It was a metaphor.

Matt: Oh...right.

BTW, how is Caroline drunk? Doesn't this place check ID?

Whatever, Matt is awesome and is going to carry her drunk ass home.

Oooh no police...aaaah its her mom!

Caroline's Mom: Are you drunk?

Caroline: As a skunk!

Hahaha Caroline rhymes when she's drunk. She so needs more scenes!

Meanwhile Lexi saddles up to Damon: Why are you here?

Damon: Diabolical plan

Lexi: Whatever, you are so lame.

And uh oh here comes the girl, they are going to get Lexi...

Aaaah they injected her with something and she looks shocked and in pain and awww poor vampire. She was really nice.

They drag her outside and she vamps out!

Silver bullets won't bring her down, she is heading for Caroline's mom who keeps shooting and shooting and then...

 Damon stakes her! OMG!

Elena and Stefan are hiding around the corner.


Damon: Mrs Kyle XY, Ae you ok?

Kyle XY's Caroline's Mom:'re pretty handy there with that stake.

Damon: (Wiggles eyebrows) Well you know...instinct. So glad that girl could id the vampire. Now all of your problems are solved. Hooray!

In Caroline's room:

Matt puts her in bed and takes off her shoes

Awwwww he is the SWEETEST

Caroline: Do you wish life was different?

Matt: Like we didn't live in a town full of vampires on a show called the Vampire Diaries except no one ever seems to write in their diary?

Caroline: Yeah....can you stay with me?

Awww cuddle buddies!

Meanwhile... Elena tries to comfort Stefan

Elena: Talk to me! I can be there for you.

Stefan: No, I said the same thing to you three scenes ago and you came late to my birthday party! I mean...people die around me! I'm dangerous. Damon is dangerous! He killed uncle-cousin-brother-nephew Zach, and the newscaster and Vickie and Lexi! I have to kill him!

Elena: No! Don't!

Stefan: Why! Do you like him now?

Elena: Yes! No!

Stefan: We are soooo not getting back together in this episode.

The Stefan goes and stakes Damon, but he misses, on purpose! Because he's not a murderer!

And then Bonnie wakes up in a field after having a creepy dream about running in a field.

Ok....I think some shenanigans are afoot! What did you guys think?


  1. It was a good one last night but I am kinda ticked they killed off Lexi, I didnot think I was gonna like her (thanks previews) but she was so fun! I know why Damon did it...but still UGH! :(

    Damon is still the vamp I love to hate! :)

  2. LOL. THIS was epic ;D

    I was expecting a cat fight between Elena and Lexi and then she turns out to be really nice...why did she have to die? -__-...

  3. I know! I didn't want her to die, although her presence was kind of random. :(

  4. I already miss fun Stefan. Brooding sucks. His smile is so freaking sexy. Sigh. Bring back Lexi. And Caroline & Matt? So adorable. Aunt Jenna needs to be killed off soon.

  5. I loved fun Stefan! And nooooooooooo Lexi. :( She was so much fun. Also, I hate Damon so much I do not get the fascination with him. Also, I only read the first two books in the series but I have to say that I'm enjoying the show a lot more.

  6. Honestly? I think you're bloody mad for writing the entire episode up. I didn't read it 'cause I watched the episode....

    I liked this episode. :) I was sad to see Lexi killed. (I haven't read the series so I don't know what's supposed to happen or what the show does differently)

    And Damon is a hot bad vamp. It make sense for what he did but wow.

  7. This is freaking hilarious. I usually miss out on these posts because my TiVo gets backlogged, but I'm going to have to watch it live now, just so I can read this the next day. Love it.

  8. This is hilarious. I don't even watch the show but I might start just because of this post!


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