Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Vampire Diaries Episode 17: Let the Right One In

Opening Scene
Super scary thunder and lightning are apparently the culprits behind this opening scene. The big bad storm has woken up Elena—but hey! We’ve finally returned to the way the show used to start, with Elena waking up in bed! Does anyone see her diary? Does ANYONE keep a diary? Should we put out a search for her alleged diary?

And now we’re in Jeremy’s room and he’s with Anna and she LOVES storms because they’re bad and scary and well, she’s a vampire, the very definition of bad and scary.

Jeremy: Will I sparkle when I’m a vampire?

Anna: Dude, you’ve seen me in the sun. It just brings out my highlights.

Jeremy: Ok well will I be able to read minds as a vampire?

Anna: I am NOT vampirizing someone whose entire basis of knowledge for vampires came from the movies.

Jeremy: Not just from movies. I watched Buffy!

Anna: OMG! Buffy was a movie first, then a TV show second. What kind of desperate vampire-wannabe are you?

Elena: Knocks on the door

Anna: Super Vampire Invisibility

Elena: Can you help me check the windows? There’s a storm coming.

Jeremy: Shouldn’t Aunt Jenna be doing that?

Elena: She’s not in this episode.

Jeremy: Oh. Is Bonnie?

Elena: No

Vamp Farm

Bad A$$ Vampire: Can I go to the hospital and get us more blood?

Pearl: Not after you disobeyed me and got some vampire killed. You’re grounded!

B.A.V.: Why don’t we just go out and kill everyone?

Pearl: Stop trying to remind me of what a Bad A$$ you are. Remember the spoon?!?! Next time I use a spork! Now sit there and sharpen your stake and stop holding grudges or being resentful or wanting revenge. They’re not trendy this year. Watch Oprah! We’re above that.

B.A.V.: Sharpens Stake: I’ll show you what a Bad A$$ I am. Boys!

Houston, the B.A.V. has minions!

Salvatore Mansion

Elena: I can’t believe you agreed to help Pearl!

Damon: Well she’s kind of a scary bi-atch and she poked my eyeballs out! Plus she’s going to give me Katherine.

Elena: Right, of course, because why would Damon Salvatore ever do ANYTHING unless he had an ulterior motive, or it involved him losing his shirt and dancing around.

Damon: Whoa are you liked pissed me at me or something?

Elena: It’s only been one episode since I discovered you vampirized my mom, plus I just found out 27 previously entombed vampires are on the loose and I look like the woman they most hate and want to kill. So yeah, I’m pissed at you. What are you going to do? Wiggle your eyebrows?

Damon: Snark is not a good look on you, Elena. I’m going to go. Call me when you’re pouting sexily again.

Stefan: Ok, now that the passive aggressive sexual repression portion of the show has passed…Elena, I want you to stay here and stay safe while we go and kill Pearl and her vampires.

Elena: No. I can’t stay here by myself and act helpless. Plus what if you’re not safe?

Stefan: You’re a weak human, what can you do? Anyway you don’t need to foreshadow the fact that I won’t be safe in this episode—it was in the trailer. Plus I’ll have my insanely self-serving lunatic bastard of a brother Damon to protect me.

Elena: You are SO screwed.

The Only Restaurant in Mystic Falls

Jeremy: Here, Anna, do you want to wear my bracelet?

Anna: Oh where’s it from?

Jeremy: Stefan’s Anti-Damon collection, limited spring edition

Anna: Ummmm no thanks. I uh…only wear  vintage Anti-Damon from before 1983. Also don’t tell Elena that we hang out.

Jeremy: Why? Its not like she knows you’re a vampire or you kidnapped her and Bonnie that one episode. Hey do you know Bonnie? Have you seen her lately.

Anna: I need to go, right now!

Matt: So I told my mom off and I was like Mom, you need to be an adult and make casserole and stop showing cleavage. And she was like ok.

Caroline: Well, hopefully she’ll do it and it’ll last and some tragedy involving your dead vampirized sister won’t send her into crazytown.

Matt: Aha. So be really careful when you’re driving in this really bad storm to your gay dad’s boyfriend’s friend’s son’s cousin’s hermit’s gerbil’s zookeeper’s niece’s birthday party.

Caroline: Ok I will. I won’t talk on the while driving or get into any car accidents at all.

Salvatore Mansion

Stefan: I’m hungry.

Damon: I’ve got soccer mom, track coach, and tri delt in the fridge? There’s also some librarian and a hint of bus driver.

Stefan: It’s cool. I’m in the mood for squirrel.

You know I just realized, we have NEVER seen Stefan hunting or eating and what does he like? Does he like squirrel? Does he eat deer? Bear? Lion? Snake?

Stefan: I’ll be right back.

Oh man…here comes the kidnappers. Stefan is running through the woods with his hood up and finds two other vampires coming at him with their hoods up and then the B.A.V. is there with his hood up and it looks like all vampires own the same raincoat and...STEFAN-STOMACH-STAKE! Ow!

At Elena’s
Elena’s Cell Phone: Ignores a call from Damon

Elena’s Front Door: Let’s Damon in

Elena: Is pissed to see Damon there

Damon: Why aren’t you taking my calls?

Elena: Because you killed my mom!

Damon: Stefan is missing! He went hunting for squirrels and then he never came back.

Elena: You think the squirrels ate him?

Damon: NO! I think he’s been kidnapped by the B.A.V. and is probably locked up and being tortured without his shirt on at the vampire farm.

Elena: Let’s storm the Bastille!

At the Vampire Farm

Damon: Where’s my brother?

B.A.V.: Minions! Show Damon his brother.

The minions show Stefan looking very tortured and pained and…ok, he looks kind of hot….

Then the B.A.V. compels Mrs. Gibbons to never let Damon inside, the minions stab Stefan again and the B.A.V. gives us the speech about how he starved for 145 years and he wants revenge and torture made him crazy and by the way he’s a Bad A$$ and did he mention he was insane and say good bye to Stefan because we’re totally going to kill him in the worst way possible. Have a nice day.

Damon: Super vampire run to Elena in the car: So uh…Stefan’s going to die and I can’t get him out of there.

Elena: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111111111111111111111111111111

Vamp Farm: Vampire Torture Room

--Stefan: Is tied up and shirtless!

Frankie: Is drooling
—Ok back to the recap—

Aw poor Stefan, he’s tied up in Anti-Damon ropes and their dropping Anti-Damon in his eyes with vampire eye droppers and rubbing Anti-Damon across his chest and—

Harper: Stop! Stop this madness. We are vampires. We don’t torture!

The B.A.V.: Has Harper tied up: Dude, this sense of justice thing you have is totally unbecoming of your vampire status.

Mystic Falls High School

Elena and Damon are back and school and they are there to seek help from…

Alaric, AlAric, AlarIc

Damon: So your magic ring brought you back to life, and I’m guessing that means you can’t die, so if you go break into a vampire farm and save my brother, it’ll totally work, and probably suck for you, but I don’t think you’ll die…much.

Alaric: WHY would I help you? You vampirized my wife!

Damon: I slept with her too.

Alaric: Not helping…

Elena: OMG PLEASE Mr. Salzman! It’s Stefan! STEFAN! You have to help us, he was always nice to you.

Alaric: No!

Damon: Help us and I’ll lead you to Isabel

Alaric: Fine.

The Only Restaurant in Mystic Falls

Jeremy desperately continues to convince Anna to turn him.

Jeremy: So I wrote up this list of all the reasons why you should make me a vampire. 1) I have super dark emo hair that I just died black. 2) I have the perfect jaw structure to support sexy fangs. 3) I get sunburn. 4) I look good in a cape.

Anna: Vampires don’t wear capes. I’ll only turn you if you swear your undying love for me and tell me you want to spend forever with me and then I’ll say isn’t it enough for you to live a normal happy life with me and you’ll be like I’m dying, it’s not enough, I can’t be parted from you ever, EVER! Don’t leave me, turn me now, and then we can married and then we can have sex and…

Jeremy: We can do that now if you want.

Anna: I’m not turning you!

Then Pearl shows up and is like let’s go Annabelle and they try to leave but Tyler-Douchebag and his dad Mayor Lockwood has arrived and is all like OH No! Don’t go out there. It’s raining! Raining! People die in the rain! And Pearl’s like, honey, I’m a 400 year old vampire of awesome. I can handle the big bad rain. Bit then she’s like oooooh, you’re Mayor Lockwood, well what do you know, let’s talk. And then Tyler totally nails his dad for staring at her ass.

Mystic Falls High School: Super Secret Rescue Mission

Damon: Ok, so Alaric you get into the farm and get me in, then get out and Elena, you stay in the car.

Elena: I’m going with you! You can’t do this by yourself--there'd be too many scenes without me!

Damon: I have to do this by myself.

Elena: Just because your muscles look good when you’re fighting, doesn’t mean you deserve an entire scene to yourself! I’m the star of this show damnit!

Damon: I have more twitter followers than you!

Elena: I’m on the cover of Seventeen!

Damon: I’m in U.S. Weekly!

Alaric: Are you two done yet?

Damon + Elena: NO!

Damon: Look I get it, he jumps you jump, he’s a vampire you become a vampire, he dies you die, he wants to watch Monday night football, you make the nachos.

Elena: What are you—are you crying?

Damon: I. Can’t. Protect. You. Too. *tear* I need to get in, get out and know you’re safe! *tear*

Elena: Oh Damon… Crying scenes are my specialty! Stop being emotional.

Alaric: You two are weird.

Damon: You’re helping your wife’s murderer.

OMG….the intensity is like whoa and um….I LOVE DAMON!

The Back Roads of Mystic Falls
So Caroline is totally on a detour through the woods…seriously Caroline, how hard is it to stay on the road? It’s just rain! And not only is she lost and detoured but she’s on her cell phone. CAROLINE! You have been bitten by a vampire and vampirized like a snack and possessed and kidnapped and head-slammed! Use common sense. Hang up the phone. And….her wheel is stuck in the big bad mud and she has lost her cell phone signal. Caroline… why am I not surprised?

Vamp Farm: Super Secret Rescue Mission

Alaric: Oh um…hi, ummm, my car broke down in the storm and my cell phone is dead and can I come in and use your phone and call for help?

Minions: ATTACK!

Alaric: I am Alaric, AlAric, AlarIC—vampire slayer!

Then Alaric brings Mrs. Gibbons outside to Damon and…

Damon: Vampire-Neck-Snap

Mrs. Gibbons: Is dead

Damon: Can go inside

The Secret Rescue Mission: Is On

Back inside the farm, Damon is totally going around on a B.A.V. minion killing spree and Alaric goes to find Elena and she is…GONE.

So then we find out Elena has totally snuck out of the car and decided to go sneak into the farm herself because she’s totally stronger than like 10 vampires…yeah…right…and so then she’s like in this cellar thing and some vampire is there and he’s going to vampirize her and then…

Damon: Elena Rescue Mission!

Damon: WHAT is wrong with you?

The Back Roads of Mystic Falls

Rules for surviving a Kevin Williamson horror show.
Rule #1 Do Not Get Out of Your Car!

Rule #2 Do Not Lose Your Cell Phone Signal

Rule #3 Do Not Listen To Rap Music

Rule #4 Do Not Get Out of Your Car

Rule #5 Do Not Emit Helpless Girl Noise!

Rule #6 OMG for the love of all that is Vampiric, Caroline STAY IN YOUR CAR!!!

And then…she falls down a hill and grabs hold of….

OMG! She’s uncovered Vickie’s dead body.

Vickie’s Dead Body: Man, it took you long enough to discover me!

At the Only Restaurant:

Pearl: Annabelle I forbid you from seeing Jeremy Gilbert again! His family entombed us.

Anna: But he’s different mom and he likes me.

Pearl: Do you think you’re in some star crossed romance between a human and a vampire?


Pearl: Well I’ve seen Twilight and let me tell you…these stories only work when the guy’s the vampire.

Anna: But what about… *thinks of a movie where the girl is a vampire…and…can’t*

Then Pearl vampire-slaps her and Anna texts Jeremy. Girl! He's just not that into you.

Jeremy’s Cell Phone: The Vamping is On!

Vampire Farm: Torture Chamber

Stefan: Th—ank…you…Har—per…for…trying to heeeeelp me.

Harper: This sucks, weaksauce!

Then Damon and Elena burst in! And Damon cuts Stefan down and spares Harper on Stefan’s wishes and Elena pulls the stakes out of his legs—ouch—and drags Stefan away while Damon sticks around the kill some more minions and fight the B.A.V. if he can!

Outside the Farm:

Elena: Stefan, can you make it?

Stefan: Is weak

Elena: Drops Stefan

Elena’s Hand: IS BLEEDING OMGizzles!!!!!!!!

Stefan: Eyes Elena’s Bloody Hand!!

OMG is Stefan finally going to drink her blood!!!! FINALLY! I’ve only been waiting for this to happen for like 7 episodes!!!!!!

Meanwhile Damon is fighting the B.A.V. and…Alaric has returned to help him and Pearl and her vamps are returning and…Alaric…you have a strange sense of justice, but I kind of love that these two are working together.

Now Elena is DRAGGING Stefan to the car and he’s soooo weak and she’s soooo bleeding and omg just feed him already! Ok, we’re in the getaway car and…where are the car keys?

B.A.V.: Window Smash!

Elena: STEFAN!!!!

AAAAAH! The B.A.V. is continuing to increase his B.A.V. status and beating the crap out of Stefan and stakes him!

Elena: Stakes the B.A.V.

Stefan: Is DEAD! Ok, he looks dead. He can’t really be dead…because the show would be over, but OMG he looks DEAD!

La Casa De Matt

OMG, Matt’s mom is HOME! And she is dressed…like a mom…and…she made a casserole and…oh crap this whole new mom thing is going to last like 5 minutes and…

The Door Bell: Rings

Caroline and Officer Forbes: Are at the door

Matt’s Mom: Can I help you?

Officer Forbers: I’m just here to put a stop to the new you. Vickie’s dead. I'll pour the vodka.

Matt’s Mom: Noooooooooooooooooooooooo

Matt: I’m never eating casserole again!

Vampire Farm: The Woods

Elena: Stefan!!!! WAKE UP!!!!!!!!

Stefan: Gurgle-blink-tongue flop

Elena: Stefan! Stay with me!

The B.A.V.: In true bad a$$ fashion is not dead and starting to wake up

Elena: Stefan, you have to drink my blood!

Stefan: *Cough* No…*Sputter* Stop… *Tremor* Don’t tempt me…

Elena: Drink it, b*tch!

Stefan: Drinks her blood

And man, he is REALLY drinking

Elena’s Eyes: Flutter

Stefan: Blood Slurp

Elena: Ok, you can stop now…Stefan…you can stop…

Edward Cullen: Find the will! Find the will to stop—she needs you. OMG stop Stefan, you’re killing her!

Stefan: SLURP!

Edward Cullen: Does not approve!

The B.A.V.: Knocks Edward Cullen out and comes for Stefan

Stefan: Jumps at the last second and totally kills the B.A.V….again…and again…

Elena: Stefan you can stop, he’s like really dead now.

And Stefan totally goes vamp face on her and snarls and Elena is like dude! WTF?!?!? You look scary! And then Stefan pouts.

Salvatore Mansion

Elena looks introspectively in the mirror because the poor girl is petrified of her boyfriend now that she saw his true vamp face and he’s all pouty and she’s acting distant and then he apologizes that she had to see that and thanks for saving my life today even though what you did was totally crazy insane and almost made you dead.
Stefan: I’m sorry you saw that.

Elena: It’s my fault, I made you drink my blood.

Frankie: *cringes* Ugh…are we really going there?

Elena’s Cell Phone: Rings

Jeremy: Vickie is DEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111

La Casa De Matt
Everyone is there and everyone is crying over Vickie! Even Douche-bag Tyler is there and he shares a look with Jeremy that continues to make me suspicious of his sexuality and also whether or not he’s a werewolf

Matt’s Room

Caroline: I made you coffee

Matt: I need to be alone!

Caroline: Is there anything I can do? Anything at all? Like…anything at all?

Matt: Go away!

Elena: MATT!

Matt: ELENA!

Matt and Elena: Super Hug


Caroline: That was supposed to be my scene!

At the Only Restaurant:
Damon: Dude, today was awesome, me and you fighting together. We could be a duo, we could be the D.A. Damon and Alaric or…oh! “S” squared! Salzman and Salvatore! Vampire killers!

Alaric: Damon Face Punch

Damon: Shakes it off

At the Gilbert’s

Jeremy totally rips up all of his vampire research in a mad fit and Anna comes and then she realizes the truth: Jeremy wanted to be a vampire for Vickie, not Anna.

The Vampire Turning: Has Been Canceled…maybe...

Salvatore Mansion:

Damon: What is that mysterious slurping noise?

Stefan: Is covered in blood

Damon: You ate my soccer mom! AND the crew pilot!

Stefan: And the girl scout leader's mom :-(

Damon: Dude…this is messed up

Stefan: This is going to make me fat, isn't it?


Stefan: Epic Emo Sigh

Bonnie: Can I be in the next episode please??????????????????????????


  1. I'l never eat casserole again--LOL!!!!!!! Perfect recap of the best episode EvA!!!

  2. OMGGGG.

    My favorite scenes of hilarity:

    Minions: ATTACK!

    Alaric: I am Alaric, AlAric, AlarIC—vampire slayer!

    Then Alaric brings Mrs. Gibbons outside to Damon and…

    Damon: Vampire-Neck-Snap

    Mrs. Gibbons: Is dead

    Damon: Can go inside

    The Secret Rescue Mission: Is On


    Damon: What is that mysterious slurping noise?

    Stefan: Is covered in blood

    Damon: You ate my soccer mom! AND the crew pilot!

    Stefan: And the girl scout leader's mom :-(

    Damon: Dude…this is messed up

    Stefan: This is going to make me fat, isn't it?


    Stefan: Epic Emo Sigh

    Bonnie: Can I be in the next episode please??????????????????????????

  3. This comment has been removed by the author.

  4. Your recaps are so entertaining. Love it!

  5. Absolutely love reading these!

  6. I am a huge fan of your recaps but this..OMG..this is by far the best recap you have ever written. There were way too many gems in here!!

  7. I've been eagerly anticipating this recap. I loved Edward Cullen's appearance yet again.

    Thanks so much for putting these together!

  8. Thanks you guys!!!!!!!! These comments mean a lot because these are not easy to do!!! Looking forward to episode 18!

  9. Another good recap! My personal favorite part:

    Damon: I have more twitter followers than you!

    Elena: I’m on the cover of Seventeen!

    Damon: I’m in U.S. Weekly!

    Haha! I wasn't a huge fan of this episode at first, but it grew on me. I'm just waiting for Elena to finally realize she likes Damon. We all know it; she needs to hurry up and figure it out. ;)

  10. HAHAHA I loved this recap! It's almost more fun to read your versions than to watch the episodes :P

  11. So now I totally watch the episodes wondering what you are going to say about this or that, lol. I should not be laughing while watching this epically serious show. I blame you completely. ;) (On a different note, epically is actually a word? It's not spell checking it. Awesome.)

    And seriously, where the heck is Bonnie? And I vote that Damon and Stefan just stop wearing shirts altogether.

  12. omg i adore these!! i cant read the next ep though, gunna watch it tonight then i shall read, keep up the awesomeness!!


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