Thursday, October 1, 2009

Vampire Diaries: Episode 4-Family Ties

At Elena's:

Elena wakes up in the dark, breathing heavily, nervous, and now walking around in the dark with classic horror movie angles, lighting and music. Elena you need to watch Scream! Hello? Kevin Williamson is writing this...but methinks it's a dream.

Oh no! Dead Elena on the tv news report, classic 90's movie trick a la The Craft.

Look out for Damon! Aaaaaah!

Oooh it's Stefan's dream! Awwwwwww!

At the Salvatores:
Ok, that noise Stefan made when he woke up...I'm not going to go there.

Stefan knife throw! Damon knife throw...and once again we are in 90's movie territory. This is the end of Scream-almost exactly.  Hey's super obvious when you recycle your own material.

At Elena's with the Sun Up:
Stefan came over and ooooooh things are getting hot and heavy, but for real this time, not the cheap-just-kidding it was a dream from last week. But we must not go any further because Stefan suddenly has Vamp Face! Oh noes! (See this is how I thought things were going to go down with the making out last week, my prediction was a week early).

But Elena doesn't notice.

They are sooooooooo cute!

At Caroline's Vampire-Sex-Love-Nest: aka The Best Scene Ever!
Oh HI Damon's eyebrows. How are you? I've missed you:-)

Damon is reading Twilight and doesn't get it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Damon: I don't get it, why is this Edward guy so obsessed with Bella?
Caroline: Why don't you sparkle?
Damon: Because I'm a real vampire, whore! Damn I miss Anne Rice!

Frankie: dies laughing.

At the Salvatore's with Uncle-Nephew-Cousin Zach:
Zach has a secret stash of Anti-Damon growing in his basement. Oooh how very convenient.

Damon and Stefan have a moment:
Stefan: Yes, being a 150 yr old teenager has been the height of my happiness. Hahahahahaha!
Damon's Eyebrows: Are lively.
Stefan: (smolders and looks hot and every bit the tortured souless 150 year old vampire teenager he is)
Damon: Ewww you put Anti-Damon in my drink. Phhh! I spit it out. You can't rufi me! Now I'm angry.

Ahahahaha. This episode is all kinds of fantastic.

Also Stefan has a tattoo on his shoulder.
And he looks good in a wife beater.
And without a shirt.
Can Stefan wear less clothes from now on?

Bonnie and Elena Get Ready:
Bonnie: Just so you know, I know Damon seems like a bad guy, but he's not, he's good and also Stefan stole Katherine from Damon and did all this stuff to manipulate them. So I'm totally going on unreliable hearsay here from unreliable Caroline, but Stefan is no good.
Elena: Isn't that the plot of Pride and Prejudice?

At the Founders Ball:
Tyler still sucks and won't treat Vickie right.

Damon needed an invitation to go inside, and Caroline has a mom (is she the mom from Kyle XY) and now we are given an explanation as to why Caroline and Damon have so much freedom. She's a cop and her dad is out of town, with his lover?

Damon just got Caroline and Stefan to dance! Wife Swap! Uh-oh Elena has been left alone with Damon (and his eyebrows!)

Ok so I totally appreciate the added drama intensity and tension of Elena being left alone with Damon, but come on Stefan, you put up the white flag pretty easily.

Damon and Elena Moment:
I'm really digging this whole Salvatore/Mystic Falls history, as opposed to the book's Salavatores coming from Italy and being all over.

Vickie left Tyler. Good. I think he feels remorse.

Bonnie and a candle moment:
Flame: flickers
Bonnie: stares
Flame: dies
Bonnie: eyes widen
Flame: re-ignites
Bonnie: OMFG!

Elena and Stefan dance to Matt Nathanson-I'm swooning!
And too soon that moment is over because Elena is listening to Damon, stupid stupid stupid!

Aunt Jenna and her ex-news anchor
Hi Aunt Jenna! We missed you last episode, although I find myself not really caring about your sordid love life.

Bonnie and more candles:
Bonnie is having a fire power awakening-its very spiritual, you can tell by the swelling music.

Elena and Caroline in the Bathroom:
Elena: OMG, Damon used you as a snack!
Caroline: Not-uh!
Elena: Crap! I shouldn't have listened to what Bonnie told me you told her about Damon. Mr. Darcy Stefan is the right guy for me. Damon sucks.

Stefan and Elena at the Water Fountain:
Elena: OMG you're brother is a monster.
Stefan: Yeah I know.
ELena: WHAT! Why are you not shocked. WTF!

Vickie and Jeremy:
Please, please Vickie stop toying with his heart. Just love the poor kid already.

Damon is dragging Caroline Away...
Damon: You stupid blabbermouth whore!
Caroline: I didn't tell her OMG please don't kill me!
Damon: Aww, baby it's ok, you just make me crazy.
Caroline: Oh thank you-AUUUGGHHH!

He is vampirizing her full force!

Caroline can't die, right?

OH SNAP! Stefan Anti-Damoned Caroline with her rufi drink! Well played, Sir!

Founders Reunite
OMG they need that pocketwatch for some kind of anti vampire mojo, and Caroline's Kyle XY Mom, Tyler's creepy parents, and Aunt Jenna's News Anchor ex are in on it! OMG!

Imprisoned in a cell full of Anti-Damon.

OMG!!!! This episode rocked!!!!!

Next week: I smelll a montage..


  1. Frankie, these are getting funnier and funnier every week! I heart you and your commentary to pieces.
    - Twilight reference was too funny
    - Yes, Stefan should wear less clothes. But he needs a bigger variety of facial expressions than just "tortured concern."
    - The 'Bonnie and a candle moment' (Frankie-style) was hilarious.

    I totally called the verbane-in-Caroline's-drink trick...but I was not expecting the whole vampire hunters with Super Pocketwatch element. And you didn't even mention Super Crystal!

  2. OOoh yeah I forgot about the super crystal! Hehehe!

  3. I nearly pissed myself reading this. thanks for the laugh. I better go check my undies now.

  4. I don't have regular television right now, and I am missing all of these awesome tv shows....

  5. These little episode commentaries are awesome. I feel like a lot of the stuff that you write is what I'm thinking in my head.

    I've never read any of the book, but I like the show. I'm not completelyl hooked yet, but I've watched the episodes that have aired. The suspense is definitely picking up, so I'll be watching to see where everything goes.

  6. Ahahaha... I love the verbane being called Anit-Damon. Hilarious.


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