Thursday, October 8, 2009

The Vampire Diaries, Episode 5: You're Undead To Me

OK, my hope's are high for this episode. Montage? I think so!

At The Salvatore's:
Stefan has Damon trapped in a dungeon, drugged with Anti-Damon and no magic-go-in-the-sun ring. Stefan is really bad @ss right now. Poor Damon, he's not being too lively. I fear for his facial expressions. Eyebrows, stay strong!

Good Morning Elena:
Happy girl music is playing and Elena can't figure out what to write in her diary today. So she's going to go pee instead. Did she sleep in her jeans?

Oh Hai Vickie in my bathroom! :-0

Vickie and Jeremy are finally bed!

Elena and Aunt Jenna in the Kitchen:
Elena: Jeremy and Vickie are upstairs doing it!!!
Aunt Jenna: I used to smoke pot when I was younger.
Elena: They are DOING IT, Aunt Jenna.
Aunt Jenna: Oooh food.
Elena: DOING IT! Having sex, getting horizontal, doing the funky monkey! MAKING BABIES!
Aunt Jenna: Yeah, so I have a date tonight.
Elena: OMG! You have to do something! Punish him! Kick her out! Lend them some condoms!
Aunt Jenna: Sweetie, you need to read the script again.
Aunt Jenna: I'm the oblivious adult figure. And I've been in this scene too long.
Elena: Everybody sucks!

Caroline and Bonnie in the room formerly used for crazy vampire sex-biting:
Caroline: I don't remember much. I think I let Damon bite me or something. It was hot.
Bonnie: (strokes candle...) What? Huh? Why? You're wierd!
Caroline: Well he gave me this shiny crystal. Look it sparkles!

Meanwhile back at the Salvatores:

Damnit Zach! Let Damon out of his dungeon, his eyebrows are becoming unresponsive. Call 911! Nooooo eyebrows, show some emotion, show me you're alive! Damnit CW, I'm having withdrawal.

Well at least we know Damon's FIST still works, as he tries to strangle his great-nephew-uncle-cousin through the door.

Stefan interception! Super vampire grip block.

Matt and Elena play pool:
Elena: Stefan's late for our date. He's so mysterious and wierd. What's he hiding from me? I feel pouty.
Matt: Aw come on. It's not that bad. It's not like he's a vampire or anything...

Stefan arrives...awkward....

Creepy old guy: Stefan never age...
Elena: WTF?
Stefan: Huh? What? I!

Elena Finally Writes In Her Diary:
Stefan sucks!

There's noise in the kitchen! Is it Jeremy?  No. Is it Vickie? No. Is it Aunt Jenna? Nope! Is it the sneaky ex-newcaster guy searching for the pocket watch to do the anti-vampire mojo?

NO! It's Stefan Salvatore making you an Italian dinner (Italian accent included)! And he is going to give you the answer to every facebook quiz he's ever taken! Yay!

Elena takes over cutting, and of course she cuts her finger. Oh noes she's bleeding and Stefan got some on his finger. Aaah Vamp Face!

Elena: Did your face change?
Stefan: No.
Elena: I think it did, I saw the same thing happen once on Buffy.
Stefan: Don't you mean Twilight?
Elena: You read that?
Stefan: Kiss me!

Meanwhile in his dungeon, Damon tries to call Caroline and sends over his little black crow to say hi. And she shoos him away!

Car Wash to Benefit the Fallen TV Mr. Tanner:
Elena and Stefan are supposed to strip to bathing suits. Hooray! Does this mean Stefan will be without a shirt? No? Aw come on CW! Aren't you reading my recaps?

Meanwhile Caroline goes into the school. Alone. Topless. Honey, you do realize you're blond right? And you know what happens when the dumb blond ends up alone in a Kevin Williamson production?

Old Creepy Guy is back, and now he's at the carwash.
Elena: Oh hey, your the creepy old guy from last night.
Creepy Old Guy: I saw your boyfriend once in 1953.
Elena: Are you sure?
Creepy Old Guy: Sweetie, I'm the creepy old guy. I'm in this episode for a reason.

Elena Turns Detective:
Types into search engine: Proof that Stefan is a vampire
Ah! A news reel that just happens to show Stefan's face.
Elena: OMFG!!!

The Great Escape:
Possessed Caroline is heading inside to free Damon from his prison.
Zach: Noooooooooooooooo
Damon: Neck Snap
Zach: Is dead
Caroline: Running up the stairs!
Damon: Come back here you whore, I need to bite you. AAAAAH! SUN! It burns, it burns us! Where's my ring? Damn I wish I was a sparklepire right now.

Back at the Car Wash:
Bonnie: All you bitchy girls get your cars lit on fire now!
Stefan: Bonnie! Quit it with the pyrotechnics. We get it you're a witch.
Bonnie: Shit!

In the Vampire Sex/Biting Room:
Police Chief Mother of Kyle XY: Caroline, sweetie? Are you sad about boys?
Caroline: No mom! And Dad gives way better advice because he dates them!

Later that night...Good night sparkle crystal.

The Great Sorrow:
Stefan finds Zach dead and cradles him in his arms. Noooooooooooooo!

Bonnie shows up at her witch grams' house.

Jenna's ex, the creepy newscaster guy tries to find the Gilbert's pocketwatch! Swipes it! But Jeremy is there. And he doesn't seem to notice...

Vickie is getting high with her druggie townie friends in the cemetary. Gets up to change the radio station and DAMON! He's vampirizing her. Again! Uh-oh, can Vickie die?

And NOW, the scene we've all been waiting for!

Elena: Stefan is not a vampire!
Montage Scene
Elena: No, he's not a vampire!
Elena: He can't be a vampire, they're not real.
MONTAGE SCENE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Elena: Stefan's a vampire!

Elena and Stefan:
Elena:How old are you?
Stefan: 17
Elena: How long have you been 17?
Stefan: Shit!

Whoa, this episode was intense. It was severely lacking in Damon! I hope's he back in full swing next week. I miss him. Still awesome though. What did you guys thinks?

Missed an episode of Vampire Diaries, find your recaps here!


  1. I love what you did with the lines
    Twilight LOL
    I'm watching the episode right know :)

  2. Frankie, SERIOUSLY woman you missed your calling! This is AMAZING. Gets better every week. I watched the whole episode thinking - I can't wait to read Frankie's recap! And the when the montage came I was like FRANKIE GOT HER MONTAGE!!! I can't wait til next week!

  3. PS - A sexy car wash and no shirtless Stefan? I was heartbroken. I mean, the scene was CREATED for shirtless Stefan. CW, you're a tease.

  4. I've been so busy I haven't been able to watch this show yet (I'll wait for the DVD set next year I guess) but I love the recap! And since I read the books, I kinda feel like I know what's going on :)

  5. Aw thanks! I was worried it wouldn't be too good this week because I was so tired when I wrote it-plus no Damon!

  6. I loved the most recent episode. It was the best one so far.


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