Elena: Stefan is not a vampire!
Elena: No! He's not!
Elena: No, no, no, no, no he's not!
(The CW must have heard how excited I was for the montage scene, because they showed it AGAIN!)
Elena runs to the Salvatore House to find Stefan and confront him and...White light!
Flashback! To Mystic Falls in the year that Stefan was a human:
Ooooh it's going to be one of those episodes. YES! Reminds me of Angelus and Darla, awww.
That 1800's hairdo is not working for you, bud. Niether is the jacket. Where's the leather? Oh human Stefan....you were so uncool!
Present Day Mystic Falls:
Elena: What are you? What are you? OMG what are you?
Stefan: Damn! It worked so well when Edward did it. Ok, fine! I'll tell you. But just so you know...all of that stuff in Twilight is wrong. Also the stuff they showed in Buffy, totally wrong. Oh and some things you read in Anne Rice? Also wrong. Baby, I'm going to change your life when I tell you the real deal.
Elena: Oh no you won't, Vampire. I'm leaving!
Dead Townie Druggie Bonfire:
Damon: Mmmmmmm yummy, blood. OOh alcohol. FIRE!
While Damon is burning the bodies of his victims he calls Stefan.
Damon: Yo bro, sup? Had the buffet, it's delish! WHERE'S MY RING PRECIOUSSSSS!
Stefan: Finders keepers, losers weepers.
Elena and Stefan Do Lunch:
Elena: Facebook quiz-Vampire Edition! Bats? Coffins? Sunlight? Garlic? BLOOD?
Stefan: Myth, myth, legend, fallacy, salacious rumor! Oh, that one's true.
Elena: Are there more of you? Am I going to be picked up off a baseball field and dragged away by some traveling vampire who wants a snack?
Stefan: No of course not, I don't even play baseball
Elena: Oh that's a relief. Ok so you and Damon are the only ones. The ONLY vampires in Mystic Falls. (Yeah sure Elena, now you know there's going to be another one)
Dead Townie Druggie Bonfire:
Kyle XY's Mom, that other guy, and the Ex-newscaster gather.
Ex-newscaster: I got the watch! Let the mojo doing begin!
Kyle XY's Mom: Good, because that Vickie girl is still alive!
Damon: Ugh, I'm so bored! I've already done my eyebrow workout. Where's my ring. Where's Stefan? I have my best one-liners when I'm with him. Pout. Ok I guess I'll replace him. Here Vickie, drink the nice blood.
Elena: How old are you?
Elena: No stupid, how ooooooold are you?
Stefan: Oh...like really, really, really old.
Flashback: Mystic Falls in the Year that Stefan was Human:
This is also the year that Damon wore suspenders!
Back at the Salvatore's:
Vickie took a shower! She is clean, she is wearing peek-abu bootie undie-shorts. And she is feeling GOOOOD!
Back to the Year that Stefan was a Human:
Oooooh things are steaming up...
The next morning: Katherine is laced up in the sort of corset that would make Elizabeth Swan faint. And her hair looks FABULOUS!
Stefan is pissed about the vampirizing. But not so pissed after he's been compelled...
Vampire Mojo Time
Got the pocket watch? Great now let me take it apart and re-assemble it into a super secret vampire tracker device.
Ex-newscaster: Hello! It's called a compass.
Dancing with the Vampires: AKA The Greatest Scene EVER!
Vickie and Damon decide to dance around the Salvatore House in the best sequence I have EVER seen! They hold hands, they frolick, they do the dirty dancing. And then they have a pillow fight!
Damon's hips: Swivel
Vickie's Body: Spins
Then Damon sees a picture of Katherine and now the party is over.
Damon: Damn, whore you suck. You know what would be awesome?!? Death!
Vickie: Neck Snap...DEAD!
Jeremy: Vickie, what's wrong? What are you high on? It's the middle of the day.
Vickie: Out of the way lover boy. Kiss me, feed me! Augh, sun it burns. Oooh food.
Jeremy: Wow you're really messed up, even for you. I'm calling your brother.
Matt: OMG, what is she high on now?
Vickie: I'm teething!
Stefan and Elena show up and Stefan knows immediately what's wrong because he's a vampire and he knows these things.
Stefan: Everybody back. I've seen this before. Vickie is just transitioning into a vampire. Psssh. No biggie.
And NO ONE notices or questions Stefan's sudden expertise in
Stefan: Get her upstairs. Stat!
Vickie and Jeremy up in bed. Uh-oh that hug has landed her face unecessarily close to his neck. She is about to vampirize him, but she doesn't. Go Vickie. And Stefan leaves to track her down and keep her from drinking blood.
Ex-newscaster: Come on magic compass, tell me where the vampires are.
Damon at the door!
Elena: Get out of here! Go away I hate you, OMG!
Damon: Dont look at me with those judgy little eyes.
Elena: Just go.
Damon's Eyebrows: Are Enthusiastic
In the Woods: Vickie's Vampire Transition Breakdown:
Ok I feel really bad for Vickie right now. Poor girl. But it's ok because Stefan is going to help you. But then Stefan gets SHOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And the ex-newscaster is there with his stake! Oh noes!