Friday, May 13, 2011

Katy Perry & Bella Swan: Secret Critique Partners?

I've been driving a lot, which means I've been doing a lot of listening to one of my top guilty pleasures: really bad but catchy pop music.  One song that's been on regular rotation through my stereo these days is Katy Perry's "E.T."  Every time I listen to that song, it reminds me of something.  But it wasn't until now that I realized exactly what that something was.

It's Bella Swan.

Katy says: What do you think of what I've got so far?  Is the motivation clear?  Is the pacing alright?

 Bella says: Sorry Katie, I'm mid-blink and Edward's liquid topaz eyes are calling to me.  I'll have to email my comments.

Seriously!  I feel like the lyrics to that song could be taken straight out of Twilight dialogue.  It could go something like this...

I highlighted the actual lyrics of the song in red so you could see just how little I had to add to create this scene. And, if you're unfamiliar with Katy Perry's latest creation, I've embedded the video at the end of this post. Enjoy!

(cue dream sequence music a la Scrubs)

"You're so hypnotizing," breathed Bella, staring into Edward's melting butterscotch eyes.  "Could you be the devil?  Could you be an angel?"

Edward stepped closer to her.  "I think you already know which one I am."  He put his hands on Bella's shoulders.  Bella shivered at the touch of his icy hands.  "I'm not to be trusted."

She refused to look away.  To step away.  "Your touch," she whispered.  "Magnetizing. I'm floating."  She put her hand on his chest.  Through his tight black t-shirt she could feel the marble hardness of his chest.  "You leave my body glowing."

Edward pushed her away, taking a step back.  Bella could tell he had only used a fraction of his true power.  That if he wanted to, he could break her in a million different ways.  "They say, be afraid," she told him.  "You're not like the others."

"You should be afraid, Bella," Edward's voice was cold and dark.  "It's not safe for us to be together."  He turned away, looking out towards the forest.

I know he's from the past, Bella thought, but the way he can read my mind, it's as if he's from the future.  A futuristic lover.  Different DNA than anyone else on this earth.

"They don't understand you," Bella said, reaching for him again.  She longed to feel his cold marble touch.  She knew she saw the true Edward, hidden deep somewhere in his liquid topaz eyes.  "You're from a whole other world.  A different dimension."  She thrust her hands into his.  "You," she breathed, "You open my eyes.  I'm ready to go, Edward.  Lead me into the light."  She pulled him closer, wrapping her arms around his waist.  "Kiss me."  Her eyelids fluttered.  "Kiss me," she repeated.  "Infect me with your love." 

Fill me with your poison, she thought with a shudder of pleasure.

"Take me," she insisted, tightening her arms.  Take me.  I'm ready, she thought.  I want to a victim.  His victim.  I'm ready for abduction.

"Bella," Edward moaned.  "We can't do this."

"Boy, you're an alien," she said.  "You're not like anyone else I've ever known.  You're different.  Your touch is foreign.  It's supernatural."  She looked down.  "Extraterrestrial.  Please, Edward," she begged, "You're so supersonic.  I want to feel your powers."  She pressed her against him.  "Stun me with your lasers," she whispered, blinking.

And then their mouths were pressed together and she couldn't breathe.  Finally.  This is what she wanted.  She could feel the power coursing through him.  She shivered against his body, so like a statue, feeling gooseflesh prickle across her body.

They pulled away, both gasping for breath.

"Your kiss," Bella gasped, "is cosmic.  Every movie is magic."  She kissed him again before he could protest.

(end dream sequence)

So, what do you think?  Sounds like it's pulled from the pages of Twilight, doesn't it? 
(And of course, please keep in mind this is all in good fun!)

Note: The official music video uses the version featuring rapping from Kanye West.  Also, I'd rate the video PG-13ish, for weirdness and a little bit of guy butt at the end.


  1. That is brilliantly hysterical.

  2. *giggles* That is hilarious. Also? That video is weird. Like Gaga weird.

  3. Wow! How do you THINK of this stuff, Sara? This is so much fun. Thanks for the laughs.

  4. LOL freaking genius! I love it. It gets kind of weird at the lasers, haha, but otherwise? AMAZING!

  5. @Frankie--Thank you!

    @Elise--Thank you. But really, you should thank Katy Perry and Bella Swan ;)

    @Laina--I know, the video is super weird! I think what sets Gaga's videos apart, though, is that I'm pretty sure Gaga is making all of her own creative decisions, and Katy Perry isn't.

    @Taschima--Words don't lie!

    @Joanne--Like I said, I didn't do the work--that was all Katy Perry. I'm glad you enjoyed it!

    @We Heart YA--Thank you! The lasers are pretty bizarre in ANY context. Another favorite line of mine from the song (which didn't make it into my retelling) is "I want to walk on your wavelength/and be there when you vibrate." ....

  6. That is way too funny. And frighteningly accurate. Hmmm...

  7. @NotNessie--I know! I think Katy Perry's people have been reading a bit too much lately...

  8. This combination is scarily perfect! I'm imaging Bella saying all of Katy Perry's lyrics in a robotic sing-song voice like Katy does in the video while Edward speaks in his smooth, buttery voice, haha. It's rather creepy. o.O;

    Anyway, I'm amazed at how you pieced these two different forms of art together. Your brain is all kinds of awesome.


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