Thursday, July 1, 2010

Pretty Little Liars Episode 2: The Jenna Thing

Recap from Episode 1
5 best friends
4 secrets
3 brunettes
2 lesbians
1 dead girl

Roll Call
Allison--The Dead Girl. AKA The Bitchy Girl

Aria--The Funky Girl. AKA The I'm Having An Affair with My Hot Teacher Girl

Emily--The Nice Girl. AKA I Was In Love With The Bitchy One and The I'm In The Closet Girl

Hanna--The Klepto Girl. AKA The I Used To Be Fat Girl

Spencer--The OverAchieving Girl. AKA I Sleep With My Sister's Boyfriends Girl

At Some Diner
Post Allison's funeral the girls are all gathered together discussing....THE JENNA THING! OMG!

Spencer: OMG, so weird that Jenna was there, right?
Hanna: Did you see her designer sunglasses?


Emily: I feel so bad about The Jenna Thing

Spencer: Whatever, we can’t talk about The Jenna Thing. No one talks about The Jenna Thing!

Audience: OMFG! WHAT is The Jenna Thing?

Aria: Relax, this episode is called The Jenna Thing. You’ll know soon.

And then in walks JENNA! Of The Jenna Thing, OMG! And our Pretty Little Liars bust out of there like there’s no tomorrow.

La Casa De Hanna
Hanna walks into the kitchen where she and her mom awkwardly ignore each other and make not-breakfast while NOT discussing the fact that Mrs. Marin just totally boinked a police officer half her age in the name of justice for Hanna--or clearing her record of  grand sunglasses theft. And then Detective Wilden who we are NOT talking about or mentioning ever, ever on tv, talking about Allison. And it appears her body showed signs of blunt head trauma and suffocation--clues we shall use to solve her murder in a later episode. Also, Hanna's lipstick looks FABULOUS according to Mrs. Marin--because that's what's important! Not dead bffs...
La Casa De Aria

Ella: So I totally had to look twice at Hanna because...whoa! Girl ain't shopping at Generic Plus Sized Store Name anymore.

Byron: GG, eat dinner without me. I have a late night of cheatin on you while I boink my much younger mistress.

Aria: But Dad, we just came home! You need to spend time with us and not your slut bag whore girlfriend who you better not be boinking tonight!

Ella: I sense something is going on here....but I'll ignore it because otherwise the plot would unfold too quickly.

Byron: Sweet!

La Casa De Emily

So Emily is out sitting on her porch when Maya comes to visit and see if' she's okay and then they totally share a mug of hot chocolate, coffee, chai....a mug of something that gets them all excited because Maya's lips are touching the same spot as Emily's lips and its like kissing through a mug. Or something.

Maya: I can't sleep! There are pictures of the dead girl Allison all over my house, in my room--its disturbing. Do you believe in ghosts?


And then they hug and Emily's mom comes home and Maya jumps up to hug her like she's her future mother-in-law and this weirds Emily's mom out...a little, but then she suggests Maya sleep over to get away from the Allison paparrazi at her house and she can sleep in Emily's bed!


PLL Fans: WTF! Emily's mom would NEVER do that!! #tvshowisdifferentthanthebooks

At La Casa De Spencer

So Spencer is in her backyard hitting balls in a very intense way to remind us that she has a type A personality and gets what she wants. Also, she is strong and has possibly violent tendencies. Then Maya and Emily come by.

Emily: Hey Spencer, sup?

Spencer: I'm reinforcing my status as an overachiever.

Emily: Cool, I'm reinforcing the plot line about me being attracted to girls.

Maya: *beams* I'm her plotline.

Spencer: What did you say?

Emily: Nothing...come on Maya, let's go.

Rosewood High
So Aria goes to tell Ezra she is dropping his class because she can't just sit there and pretend they aren't making out during late night tutoring sessions. So in order to be less suspicious to the entire student body and faculty, they go into his office--alone--with the door closed.

Meanwhile in the hallways of Rosewood High

Hanna notices Aria leaving Ezra's  Mr. Fitz's office then leaves BFF Mona for her BF Sean!

Spencer is still an overachiever

Emily is awkward around her boyfriend

And ALL of the girls are called into the principal's office

Text message from A

Dead girls walking, dun dun dun...

In the Principal's Office

Detective Wilden: So let me get this straight--you heard a scream and you thought something was wrong?

Spencer: ....

Aria: ...

Emily: ...

Hanna: ...

Detective Wilden: For the record, I think you're a bunch of liars.

In The Lunchroom

So then they all go to lunch and freak out about how they're all lying about something...cough...The Jenna Thing...cough and the police are going to figure it out...or not if they all just STOP talking about The Jenna Thing and then JENNA comes into the lunchroom. But instead of bolting this time, Aria invites her to sit with them.

Jenna: So did you know that after I was in the hospital Allison came to see me.

Emily: She never told me that!

Aria: WHY?

Spencer: ...

Jenna: Yeah, and I totally knew Allison better than all of you.

Flashback to the Year of The Jenna Thing
Everyone's trying on clothes at a sleepover. Hanna is fat. Aria has streaks in her hair. Emily and Spencer...look the same! And then Allison freaks because Toby Cavanaugh was peeping in their window and saw them NAKED! OMGz!

Hanna: We should tell someone what he did, report it to the police.

Allison: No way! Why report him when we can stink bomb him!

Spencer: WHAT?

Allison: Chillax, it's just a little one, and its not like ANYONE is in his little tree house. It's totally empty, there's NO ONE inside at all!

The Stink Bomb: Explodse

The Tree House: Is NOT empty. At all.

Allison, Spencer, Aria, Emily, Hanna: OMFG!

Jenna: Is blinded!

Return to Present Day:

Everyone's cell phone explodes and NO ONE wants to answer theirs and Jenna is like, OMG you guys answer your cell phones, you're giving me a headache and then they do and it's from....A!

Text Message from A:

Jenna is BLIND!

Audience: Yeah...we know...

Slower Audience: So THAT'S The Jenna Thing...

PLL Fans: Shhhhh, read the books!

Rosewood High: Mr. Fitz's Class
Hanna's BFF Mona walks in late and tries to flirt with Mr. Fitz but fails and then a second later Aria comes rushing through the door and slams her transfer request on his desk.

The transfer request: Has been denied

The camera: focuses on Aria's face

The camera: focuses on Ezra's Mr. Fitz's face

The camera: focuses on Aria's face Again!

The camera: focuses on Ezra's Mr. Fitz's face in front of the words....INNONENCE...ooooh

La Casa de Hanna:

So Hanna and Sean are studying together and then she gets up and tries to go to second base with him.

Sean: No stop! Bad touch, bad!

Hanna: Sean! You're my boyfriend! Why can't I grope your chest.

Sean: Its just...I'm in this chastity group--Hot Sparkly Male Virgins

Hanna: But you don't even sparkle!

Sean: Please, just remove your hands from my man pecs.

Edward Cullen: Atta boy!

Hanna: GTFO Edward! Geez, how did Bella put up with this crap?

And then Mrs. Marin walks in with Detective Wilden and puts an end to the Not-Groping occuring at the table and also, Sean has to go home now, bye!

At Some Grille: Where I think They Serve Sushi!

Spencer: Dad, I just wanted to remind you that I'm a type A personality over-achiever .

Spencer's Dad: Wonderful, darling. I'm an overbearing neglectful father who will never think your success is good enough.

Spencer: Well, now that's in the open...

Then Melissa and Wren come join them for dinner and Melissa is soooooo freaking annoying and uptight I kind of want to jump through the tv screen and face punch her. Luckily Wren is there to smooth things over and make Spencer smile...and touch her hand and share his vodka! Oooooh Wren! And somehow Melissa and Dad don't even notice.

A Sexy Sleepover at Emily's:

Emily and Maya get into bed and SPOON! With hands touching!

Text Message From A:

I KNEW this was what really happened at girl's sleepover parties.

Emily: Huh?

A: Oh sorry that was my kid brother, hang on here's your real message.

Text Message From A: Take 2

Did you get a goodnight kiss? Here's one from me *SMOOCHES*

Emily: Oh crap!

The Next Morning in Emily's Boyfriend Ben's Car:

Ben: Dude, Maya! You slept with my girlfriend. I haven't even slept with my girlfriend.

Maya: It was awesome

Emily: Ben, shut up! We're not discussing this plot line now.

Ben: This plotline is hot.

Maya: I love this plotline.

Emily: Plotline Maya, go in and I'll meet you there.

In order to negate the plotline, Emily goes into full make out mode with Ben until the entire football team or its the SWIM team interupts them.

Rosewood: Outside some movie theater

Aria runs into Ezra and then her mom shows up and it's totally awkward and it turns out that they're all going to see the same movie and hey! Why don't we all sit together? And would you like some popcorn? No? Ok....

Emily's House:

Emily: Mom, I think I'm gay messed up.

Emily's Mom: No you're not.

Emily: *sniffles* You don't even know my plotline!

The House of Spencer:

So Spencer is studying in her room when Wren walks by with a load of laundry.


As wealthy as the Hastings are...I believe that they have a laundry machine and dryer up on the second floor....but wouldn't they also have one in their basement or am I crazy? I mean...Wren and Melissa live in the barn and then they come upstairs in the main house to do laundry???????? Whatever, it gets Wren to interact with Spencer

So as I was saying...then Wren walks in

Wren: Should I come and rub your bursa sac?

Spencer: I can't believe you managed to come onto me by mentioning bursa sac.

Wren: I-o come-o onto you-o in Latin-o too.

Spencer: That's not even gramatically correct.

Wren: Just kiss me!

Spencer: *Smooch*

And then Melissa...also doing her laundry on the second floor! walks by and...Spencer and Wren are SO caught! This is reaffirmed after the commercial break when Spencer wakes up just in time to see Wren leaving the barn, carrying a box, probably of clean laundry.

Rosewood Mall:
Hanna and Mona leave the mall with purchases that were not acquired under grand theft, but with credit cards. And then Hanna sees Detective Wilden.

Detective Wilden: Just so you know, Hanna Montana

Hanna: Don't call me that!

Detective Wilden: Fine, but just so you know...your mom's a MILF, but not enough of a MILF for me to ignore the fact that I think you know who killed Allison. Peace!

Rosewood: Outside in the Rain

In a completely random scene full of rain, Aria walks outside in the pouring rain carrying a starbucks cup, but no umbrella because she just had to be somewhere apparently and couldn't wait for the rain to stop...or to pick up an umbrella. Um, Aria...they have tables in Starbucks where you can sit and drink and stay dry...but...ooooh. Ezra pulls up in his car to save Aria from the rain...and...

KISSING!!!! Student-teacher kissing!

Inside: Presumably inside the Starbucks where Aria could NOT Stay

Emily has a flashback to a moment when Allison got everyone bracelets with their names on it and asked Emily to put hers on her wrist.

Back At La Casa De Aria:
Aria comes home soaking wet but with a dreamy happy face from all the student-teacher conferencing she just did and then her dad wants to talk about his affair and swears up and down that he is not seeing that woman anymore and can we please forget this and not tell your mother, okay? And then her mom and brother come home and let's all have Chinese food and be one big happy family with no infidelity. Aria is really happy until...

Text Message From A:

When students kiss teachers, someone gets hurt, that's a promise!

Outside Rosewood when it's NOT raining:

Spencer is running and then sees Jenna sitting on a bench and Jenna voice-commands her phone to send a text message!

Spencer: OMG

Is Jenna A? Or is it possible that like a trillion other people in the world...Jenna ALSO has a text message plan?

Dun, dun, dun....


  1. *falls over laughing* How do you do this? Seriously. Is it the Odwalla? Cuz I will SO convert to it if this is the result.

    Frankie, I <3 you.

  2. That was brilliant. The show is even more enjoyable when told in FNC speak.

  3. Nice one, Frankie!

    Spencer: I'm reinforcing my status as an overachiever.

    Emily: Cool, I'm reinforcing the plot line about me being attracted to girls.

    Maya: *beams* I'm her plotline.


    Sean: No stop! Bad touch, bad!


    This is reaffirmed after the commercial break when Spencer wakes up just in time to see Wren leaving the barn, carrying a box, probably of clean laundry.



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