Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Pretty Little Liars Episode 5: Reality Bites

Sleepover Party At Spencer’s—in the house—not in the barn—we KNOW what happens when people sleep in the barn—they die.

Aria: A told my mom that my dad cheated on her

Spencer: Who else knew?

Aria: Only Allison

Emily: Allison knew this and she didn’t tell me….I mean…oh really, she did?

Text Message from A Time

Watch your back!
*Please press accept to download attachment*

Spencer: Downloads the attachment

The Attachment: Is a video of the girls…from behind…INSIDE SPENCER’S HOUSE…from INSIDE HER CLOSET…OMG! They are being watched...but...we knew that.

Up at Spencer’s Closet

Spencer: Ok on the count of 3 we open the door…1…2…3—OPEN!


OMG, there is nothing in Spencer’s closet except the lipstick that A used to write all over Spencer’s mirror (you know at the end of the last episode)

Aria then feels the need to put some of the lipstick on her hand and hold it up to the mirror to see if they are a match. Um….HELLO! Aria!!! Make up 101—lipstick looks a little different on every girl because of the nuances in their complexion, lip coloring and overall color. Lipstick on hand WILL be different from lipstick color on mirror!

Why didn’t you just write on the mirror with the lipstick? THAT would have been the smart thing. Crap, Aria! I thought you were the smart one. Don’t disappoint me again.

Aria’s House: The Byron and Ella Warzone

So Aria is standing in front of the mirror applying eye make up. You guys, I don’t trust Aria’s make up abilities anymore…le sad…she has my favorite wardrobe on the show.

Mike: Are mom and dad getting divorced because Dad cheated on mom with a girl from his class?


Mike: Um ok…btw….you only applied make up to one eye, Cyclops.

AAAAAAH! I knew I couldn’t trust Aria’s make up abilities anymore!

Aria: Finishes applying her eye make up—to the OTHER eye.

Aria! I am putting you on a make-up ban!

In the Kitchen


Byron: Marriage counseling?

Ella: Get out of my kitchen!

Byron: I’m sorry?

Ella: GTFO of my kitchen!!!

Byron: Chocolate?


Byron: Leaves the Kitchen

Aria: Um, Mom…Mike like totes knows you and dad are fighting so you should totes tell him because keeping secrets is hard work and I kept Dads’ secret from you for a year.

Ella: You what!?!?!??!/??

Aria: I lied to you for a year.

Ella: Oh. Ok, honey, that’s all right.

PLL Fans: *sputter popcorn on the floor* WHAT! Ella is NOT cool with this knowledge! OMG! #TvShowIsDifferentFromTheBook

On Some Street Corner in Rosewood

Hanna: Oh hi Sean, so even though I tried to force you to have sex with me and then got drunk and stole your car and totaled it to get revenge on you for your Edward Cullen Virginal ways…do you want to go to homecoming?

Then some blond in a convertible pulls up to whisk Sean away.

Sean: Oh…we’ll talk….I’ll call you…

Hanna: FML!

Rosewood High School

The girls discuss if Jenna was in the house. Um hello! The girl is blind! How in the world did she find her way into your closet and videotape you?

Also, Spencer is still an overachiever.

She won the Golden Orchid for Econ Russian History.

She’s screwed!

In Chemistry

Toby and Emily discuss how she’s friends with Maya’s and Maya is not friends with her other friends because she is friends with Maya in a different kind of way.

Toby: Hot!

English Class: The Class of Love: Statuatory Rape Style

Aria: I’m going to say something swoony and romantic here, though relate our romance to the metaphor of our actual school relationship in a cheesy way.

Ezra: I’m going to feel happy at your swooniness but uncomfortable with the fact that this is illegal.

Aria: Can I swoon some more tonight?

Ezra: No swooning! I’m busy.

Aria: We can has the sex?

Ezra: Ok.

The Dentist’s Office (I think)

So Hanna is walking around in scrubs and gets into an elevator and so does JENNA! Jenna of The Jenna Thing and possibly Jenna of the I Hide In Your Closet and Write on Your Mirror In LipStick Thing. Then Jenna applies lipstick!

It’s the same lipstick that Aria put on her wrist used by A on Spencer’s mirror.

Because ONLY Jenna wears that shade of red.

Anyway Hanna walks around the dentist’s office a lot…this place is HUGE…maybe it’s not a dentist’s office after all…or…I don’t know what. Also, Hanna doesn’t actually do any work, she just walks around. And then…she sees Jenna come out of some room. She tries to go in, but is stopped by the popo.

Back at Rosewood High

Emily and Toby are staying late for chem. Making chemistry. Well sort of. Mostly Emily is spilling crap. And she messes up Toby’s notebook which he drew all over with these drawings that are like these drawings from some album cover that only he and Emily have heard of because this means they’re bonding.
Is anyone else reminded of the scene when Tai and Travis meet in Clueless?

Tai: Wow those are really good. You didn’t trace those?

Travis: No.

Tai: Really!

Travis: Really!

Anyway…they agree to meet up later the Grille/Starbucks/Sushi Bar and Toby’s going to make her a mix tape. It’s LOVE! Also…do people still do that?

At La Posh Country Club For the Rich and Hastings

Spencer: I will beat this tennis ball to a pulp!

Some Ball Guy: You’re hot.

Spencer: I know.

Audience: Wait…where is Wren?

PLL Fans: There is no ball guy in the books! AAAAAAAAH! #TheShowIsDifferentFromTheBook

Twilight Fans: Deal with it.

PLL Fans: *sticks tongue out at Twilight fans*

Audience: Shhhhhh! I’m trying to watch the show.

A: Muahahahahaha

Coffeehouse: Ezra’s Reading


Some Guy: You’re a fan of Ezra’s?

Aria: OMG yeah! I’m an Ezra-lite!

Some Guy:…

Ezra: Oh…it’s my best friend from college.

Aria: Wow! I’ve never been to college.

Ezra: STFU!

Some Guy Ezra’s Best Friend: Cough Jail Bait Cough

La Casa De Hanna:

Hanna is obsessively checking out the Facebook profile of the girl who gave Sean a ride to school…like you do…and also…she informs her mother that her dad is engaged!

Instant Message: Please Accept Attachment Request

Emily and Maya KISSING!

Hanna: Oh boy…

At the Grille/Starbucks/Thai Food/Sushi Place

Spencer has brought the lipstick in a baggie like it’s official police evidence—this cracks me up for some reason. And then Toby is there all waiting for Emily and Emily comes and sees her friends and…

UGH! EMILY! FAIL!!!!!!! You couldn’t have at least gone and said hi to Toby.


Toby: Sad Face Has Left The Building

At Ezra’s Love Nest

Ezra: Gah! I’m too old for this. You’ve never even gone to college.

Aria: I’m very mature for my age and no one understands me. I’m like on a different radio station frequency from everyone else.

Ezra: Which station?

Aria: Iceland

Ezra: Ok, let’s kiss.

Back at the Grille/Sushi/Starbucks/Chinese Buffet

Hanna: Emily….just so you know…I’m your friend and I will support you no matter what choices you make even if you’re a lesbian.

Emily: Um, thanks?

Some Waitress: Here some boy left this for you.

Emily: Omg…Toby’s mix cd…he drew me into the cover art! I think I’m in love!

Maya: WTF! Why am I not in this episode!!! Who wrote me out of the script? I swear to God, script writers…I was a vampire slayer! I will cut you up.

The Country Club of the Super Posh and Hastings

Spencer’s Dad: The only reason I invited you to play father/daughter tennis with me and my new client plus his daughter is to suck at tennis so they feel good about themselves and love me.

Spencer: That is CRAP! How am I supposed to impress the ball boy now?

Spencer’s Dad: Suck it!

Spencer: FML! FML! FML!

Ball Boy: I sense that the girl’s father is forcing her to suck. I will ask her out anyway.

Aw, Spencer, aside from the fact that you steal essays, you're a winner inside!

Sean’s Mom’s Dentist Office, Etc…

So Hanna is there to do some reconnaissance, walking around in a FABULOUS see through get up with her belly all showing through and really, Hanna might as well be working because she’s doing the same thing as before…walking around.

Finally, she breaks into the super secret office she couldn’t get into before and discovers…it’s a therapist’s office! OMG!

Hanna: OMG, Jenna is in therapy! WHY!

Audience: Why isn’t she in therapy? The girl was blinded.

PLL Fans: That’s not why she’s in therapy...

Audience: Really? Why!?!?

PLL Fans: For the love of God, just read the book!

Meanwhile back at Aria’s house, Byron has still cheated on Ella, and Ella is still pissed about it. Moving on...

La Posh Club

Ball Boy: You’re hot.

Spencer: Thanks. Let’s date.

Ball Boy: Ok!

Ezra’s Love Nest

Aria: Oh whoops…I left my cell phone

Ezra: Yeah! I know! I read your text messages!
Aria: WHAT!

Ezra: Who’s A! And why did you tell A about us!

Aria: I don’t know A, and I didn’t tell ANYONE!

Ezra: This could mean I will go to jail! DO NOT WANT!

Outside the Dentist/Doctor/Therapy Office

Hanna: Sean? Do you like me? Check yes or no.

Sean: I don’t have a pencil

Hanna: Ok fine, go date convertible girl, I get it.

Sean: Convertible girl? No. She’s just my ride to my weekly meeting of “Sparkly Virgins.”

Hanna: Oh…Ok, well if I say I want to be a Sparkly Virgin too will you like me?

Sean: Yes.

Hanna: Score! In the….not-scoring sense of the word. Oh crap…

La Casa De Spencer:

So Spencer’s dad pretty much is being an a-hole and all like yeah! Winning is everything! Also I got ball boy in trouble! WOOHOO!

And Spencer is like…I hate you! Also I totally plagiarized that essay! But you know what…winning is everything! WOOOOHOOO!

Way to instill morals in your children Spencer’s Dad! FAIL!

At the Grille

Emily finally makes amends for her epic fail the night before with a mix-tape-apology for Toby. Awww.
Maya: Seriously! SERIOUSLY! I am sharpening knives back here. There are only 5 minutes left in this episode and I don’t see my name on the script at all! Slayering ahoy!


Spencer goes on a date with Ball Boy and Aria makes her brother dinner and admits that maybe…Ella and Byron won’t work things out.

Maya: HEE-YAH!


  1. Hahahahaha I love the Maya bits. :P

    Thanks for the recap again. It was funny, and yeah I'm a bit :\ about the differences that are emerging between TV show and book. DO NOT WANT tennis ball boy with Spencer!

    Also, the Aria & Ella thing...well, it made for a good fight scene between parents, but Ella was meant to stop talking to Aria too! :\

  2. I've never read the book or watched the TV show, but I am loving your recaps! I don't think I need to watch the show now, thanks!

    ~Kat Butler

  3. "Get outta town, I can do Marvin the Martian! I mean, there's not really much to him..."
    ^ Quality Clueless reference, m'dear.

    And I like the ball guy, whether or not he's in the books. He's the only legitimate non-future-orange-jumpsuit-wearing suitor guy!

    And I wish Toby could act.

  4. I love your recaps! Whens the next one?? Hate the wait!

    -Jenny Calendar


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